Showing posts with label Motherhood. Show all posts
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Learning Motherhood From Mary
It probably shouldn’t be so shocking to me that our toddler daughter is interested in books. After all, nearly every wall in our small apartment is lined with bookshelves. We have daily read-aloud sessions, and if she hears a line or two from a particular book that I recite from memory, she trots across the room looking to retrieve it.
One such line that has come to mind as we begin the month of May, dedicated to mothers, and in a particular way to the Blessed Mother, is from a little board book about saints. “Mary teaches us about loving mothers,” the book declares, with a picture of Mary being crowned by a smiling angel.
The words aren’t just for children. This month is a fitting time to reflect on what the Blessed Mother can teach all mothers about how to love the children entrusted to us.
At first glance it can seem overwhelming to look to Mary – a woman without sin – to grow in our own mothering. We look around at piles of dirty dishes, smell another diaper in need of changing, take a glance at the quickly filling calendar and figure that the Blessed Mother – a perfect woman raising a perfect Son – has so little in common with our 21st century American lifestyle that we’re better off looking elsewhere for guidance.
But as we reflect on the mysteries of the Rosary, there are many life lessons we can learn from Mary. We see, too, that her life was not a blissful ride on easy street. Sure, there are no mysteries centered on smelly diapers or work-life balance, but the graces present in Mary’s life can help us to embrace the struggles and joys of our own family life. Let’s take a look at a couple of lessons of motherhood we glimpse in the fifth sorrowful mystery, Jesus Dies on the Cross.
It’s tempting to think that Mary knew exactly what would happen at every moment of her and her Son’s life. We sometimes have an image of Mary giving her “yes” to Gabriel at the annunciation, knowing exactly what that “yes” would mean. In reality, the archangel did not hand Mary a 33-year calendar to inform her of the everyday “yesses” her fiat to becoming the Mother of God entailed. St. John Paul II, for example, wrote that Mary’s yes to God at the foot of the cross was perhaps the “deepest kenosis (self-emptying) of faith.” Standing at the foot of the cross, she did not know how God would be victorious through the death of her Son, but she knew and trusted that good would come from evil.
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| Pieta, Michelangelo - artwork in the public domain |
There are many crosses in motherhood – miscarriages, children who are sick or bullied or ostracized, teenage or adult children who leave the faith, and so many more. Yet, with Mary, every mother is called to have faith that God’s love will pour forth even amidst the most painful situations. There is no resurrection without the cross, and Mary reminds us to trust God’s plan.
There is another poignant lesson for mothers from the crucifixion subtly portrayed in Michelangelo’s “Pieta.” Most viewers of the statue focus on Mary’s arms embracing her Son, but a closer look also reveals her left hand open in an act of surrender. Mary reveals the art – and perhaps the biggest challenge – of motherhood: to embrace and to be detached.
On the one hand, a mother is called to love, cherish and care for the child(ren) entrusted to her. At the same time, these children are not ultimately hers, nor her husband’s. Ultimately, each child is a gift from God. Mothers must care without being possessive. Mothers can look to Mary as an example and as an intercessor in striking this delicate balance.
In his encyclical, Redemptoris Mater, St. John Paul II summarized the way in which the Blessed Mother reveals the call of all women:
It can be said that women, by looking to Mary, find in her the secret of living their femininity with dignity and of achieving their own true advancement. In the light of Mary, the Church sees in the face of women the reflection of a beauty which mirrors the loftiest sentiments of which the human heart is capable: the self-offering totality of love; the strength that is capable of bearing the greatest sorrows; limitless fidelity and tireless devotion to work; the ability to combine penetrating intuition with words of support and encouragement (#46).
At first glance it might seem that only women with biological or adoptive children have something to learn from the motherhood of Mary, but St. John Paul II would challenge us to think differently. All women, by virtue of their femininity, are called to be mothers. All women are called to be spiritual mothers whether or not any children call them, “Mom.”
The human person is entrusted to women in a unique way. It’s not that men do not love or care for people, but rather that women are able, in a particular way, to notice the needs of others and to meet them, offering empathy, a listening ear and the unique care that a particular person needs. Men and women both love, but they love differently. Women love as mothers.
Whether joyful, sorrowful, luminous or glorious, the mysteries of the rosary offer us a glimpse into how Mary loved and lived as a mother, becoming both guide and intercessor for us as we seek to more fully love as a spiritual or physical mother.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Is it Demeaning to Focus on Women as Mothers?
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EMacke
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Motherhood
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St. John Paul II
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Women
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Recently, I came across an op-ed decrying the
emphasis of Pope Francis, and the Church in general, on the role of women as
mothers. The author complained that such
a view reduces the potential of women, denying the importance of the feminine
contribution to careers and public life.
I contemplated the words while sitting on the floor
reading an unlikely trilogy of “Bear on a Bike,” “The Story of Christmas,” and
“The Big Red Barn” to a brand new one-year-old.
The cycle of stories was often changed only two rhyming sentences into
the next book, interrupted by an urgent, “Pease” (please) and a new book
plopped into my hands.
Is it insulting to my intelligence, time, and gifts
that I choose to stay at home with our daughter? Am I ignoring my potential or wasting my life
and education by repetitious rounds of “The Eensy, Weensy Spider?” Would my life be of more service to the world
if I agreed to 40 hours per week at a desk?
These questions came to mind as I spent a typical day with our
daughter.
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| “Mother Playing with Her Child” Mary Cassatt, c. 1899 |
Every human person is unique, unrepeatable and
someone chosen by eternal love (as St. John Paul II liked to say). Every human life is precious. Every person possesses a dignity simply by
virtue of existing.
In our society we tend to measure worth by what one
has accomplished. What grade did I
receive on the test? How many figures
are in my salary? How many items did I
cross off my to-do list? How impressive
is my resume or Linkedin profile?
Babies and toddlers are blissfully unaware of the
pressure to produce their own worth.
They remind us of the truth that it is simply good that we exist. Their very existence invites us to consider
whether or not our priorities are properly ordered.
If a human person is the pinnacle of creation, the
greatest gift, a living, breathing image of God, then what could be a greater
privilege than to encounter a person in a most intimate way as her mother every
day?
We can ask ourselves – Is this life entrusted to my
care worth dedicating my day, my week, my life to upholding, defending, and
introducing into the world? If I truly
believe in the dignity of every human person, then if I spend my entire day
caring for this particular person entrusted to me, I am not wasting my time or
belittling my talents. I am
simultaneously complimenting this life entrusted to me by giving my all for her
and I am being complimented by being asked by God to care for this person in
all her uniqueness and unrepeatability.
St. John Paul II emphasized this in his “Letter to
Families” when he wrote, “the family is the center and the heart of the
civilization of love.” It is in the
family that life is given, cultivated, and welcomed in love. It is in the family that we place our time,
energy, gifts and love at the service of the particular lives entrusted to us.
The Church does not say that women are incapable of serving in capacities other
than as mother. The Church does not say
that women should not serve in other
capacities. Rather, the Church helps us
to see that there is no greater honor than to be a mother, whether spiritually
or physically, and to be entrusted with the gift of life.
We forget how invaluable the gift of life, the gift
of a particular, unique, unrepeatable person is, and instead insist that the
value of a woman is wrapped up in how expensive the equipment is that she
oversees, how large of a staff she directs or how big of a budget she can
handle.
Can women receive advanced degrees, run companies and
be active in public life? The Church
certainly isn’t saying no. In fact, one
can read St. John Paul II’s litany of thanksgiving for women in his “Letter to
Women,” wherein he writes: “Thank you, women who work! You are present and active in every area of
life – social, economic, cultural, artistic, and political” (#2).
To say that it is an insult to women to hold up their
capacity for motherhood in highest esteem is to insult their children, whether
a woman is full time at home or full time in the office. In effect: “You, my child, possess less worth
than college tenure, impressive clients, massive budgets and exciting
promotions.” I become an [insert career
title] who happens to be a mother, rather than a mother who happens to be an
[insert career title].”
In reality, as women, what greater honor can there be
than that the most precious gift of life
has been entrusted to us, spiritually and physically! When I am sitting on the floor at home,
playing blocks, reading books, and changing diapers, I am able to communicate
to our daughter in a way that the entire world is incapable of articulating, “Your
life is a gift, and it is good you exist.”
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